Silent Cry..

I bet everyone would have had their silent day cry right? The day when you would cry only to yourself and no one else but God is listening to your mumblings and grumblings.. and yes, we can't deny it..maybe some very fortunate people don't have to go through this silent cry day as they have a very bright happy go lucky personality, live in a very happy family, and among those faithful understanding friends who would support them through ups and downs in life. Lucky them i guess. I don't have all these, that's why i have my silent cry day..should i say days? yeah, i think days are more appropriate...

Why i have to bear all these things that i happened to me? Am i not strong enough yet?hm.. I dunno why..Only God can answers me.. Life is not always the land of milk and honey, i know that. But why can't i stay happy a bit more longer? Always, there's something will happen which would makes me sad..makes me stressed..confused..and makes me cry..and i don't have anyone to turn in to..so sad..pity me eh? yeah.lucky you..It's not that i can't tell anyone about it, it's just that it is really2 hard for me to confess to anyone and it's even harder for me to trust people...because sometimes when i have laid my trust on that person, they will betray my trust..repeatedly..it's sucks you know..really painful..and it is even more painful when we trust that person but they can't trust us to confide in us...why? Am i that bad? I never tell people secrets to anyone..if they asked me to keep it as a secret i would try my best to do so...hm..maybe im not caring and loving enough to let people trust and confide in me.. don't blame me, i didn't get the chance to be loved and cared by others, how could i care and love others? they said learn, but from who? It makes me looks so bad if i stand side by side with them...

Some people tend to judge us from their own point of views, but have they ever think and see from OUR point of views? I guess it's very rare and only some of us did that...Because we're human and we like to think we are the best and everyone should follow us and our rules..didn't we? Maybe we didn't noticed that but it did happen yes..Please don't blame us for not being like you...the nicest person in the world..im not like you coz i am not you..don't expect me to be like one becoz i can't..i don't know how and it's hard for me to learn it alone..
I'm really tired...yes i am..So long i have been waiting for someone who i can share my secrets with, my troubles with, my life with...yet i haven't found that person...we can't trust people 100% right? Those who did are stupid. Forgive me for my language, but if u think carefully u know what im saying is right. everyone have their dark side ain't they? But who knows, i only confide in the people that i trust..and those who would understands me...susah..sgt susah nk cari org cmni..hm..and those who did, you really have a special place in my heart..

I'm really tired. Hopefully i've got through this.well i hope. my test result will be out on this 16th June..hopefully everything is fine..im tired and scared of going to the hospital again..and alone..i don't have anyone remember? But don't worry bout me, i'll get through. i don't like to worry people about my problems..I like to see them happy..it is okay if im crying inside and have my silent cry days as long as people around me are happy..it will make me happy too.. im used to suffering alone..haha..im crying again..oh no.should put a stop.da~

i hope i'm loved,
xoxo