Friday, 4 July 2008

something from d past...

I can't remember when was d last time I cried becoz i miss my family...ho..yeah, but then last night or was it last Wednesday night i dreamt of my family back there in Kuala Lumpur..I was wondering why...yeah, in dat dream, it was my dad's birthday and all of us are very excited coz we're gonna celebrate it at KLCC..maybe a day out. haha..then when everyone was busy getting ready, i woke up from my dream.Hm..i think i'm homesick...for d first tme? Maybe second time in my life here.hoho..I didn't cried last year during raya. I don't know why. All my friends here cried and i was like? Why do i have to cry? Maybe because its different here, we can't see our parents' faces when we ask for forgiveness from them, can't salam2 like last years'.. but hey, we are here, and our family are there. They wanted us to be successful and happy here, so why do i have to cry? Hahah..i know this is not a logistic thing to think, it's everything about emotional and relationship bounds kindda thing. I know..maybe im d kind who are a bit 'cold-hearted' and ego kot...

And yes, im not the kind who would tell my family everything..im more like d quite type..yeah..even with my family...and im more segan with my fmly than anyone else.haha..pelik eh? i pon plik why? Q.Q hoho...but yeah, after d dream, i looked at my family photograph and cried again..alone..haha..but after getting my shower i called home! hoho.. i never cried in front of them coz i never want them to worry bout me..even if i have problem or wat, i'll try to settle it myself and show them that i'm happy here..don't worry bout me.. =) i don't want to see them cry bcoz of me again..used to do dat tho unconciously...hu..n i regret it a lot...especially to my mom..so now i think it's time to pay back..what she's done to me all this while..hu..n along the way, i try to keep my eyes on my little sister n brothers so dat they won't repeat the same mistakes dat i've made..hu...

aa..im getting emotional here.guess i shoud change d topic before another tear drop out of my eyes =) i've just read my fren's blog and i like his quotation when he said 'ramai manusia skng ni cube amek alih tugas malaikat'. haha..wat he means by dat ayat is that humans nowadays like to judge others n labeled them from their own point of view...which is tugas menilai dan mencatat amalan manusia kan tugas malaikat...and who are we nk judge other people right? I agree with him indeed dat we should actually mirror ourselves first before we put blames n labels on others...have we done what we should to make them realize wat they have done? have we done our part? or we are just d kind who just watch wat they are doing n give labels to them? who..His entry did open up my eyes..becoz sometime me myself didn't realized that i've done dat...either way..aware or unaware..anyway, we're only humans...we can't be perfect but we can try to be one...ain't it right? till then, thanks for open up my eyes =)

you know you love me,
xoxo

4 comments:

taqeyyabella said...

You are a strong and tough little girl! Arent you!? Hehe.. ;)

botolbiru said...

that is so touching..
i know u bkn jenis yg suke tnjk ur feelings..but sometimes u cannot burden all by urself..i'm always here in malaysia to support u..be tough ek hani..dont cry cry no more..

i miss u dear~~
luv u..muah :*

hunny said...

er..hu..i hve to be strong taqeyyabella..experiences in life taught us how to b strong..

hazie.. i mish u too..hoho..i mmg sgt susah utk bcerite..blog is one of d ways to escape.hu..im too lazy to write diary( u know i pon kalo tulis tgn lmbt gle) haha..so i type la..x sgke plak ade org bce.tq! ;p

Najia Abdul Razak said...

hang in there hani! blogging is a great way to express ur feelings
:-)